May 23 2013

Oh, Hello

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Why, hello there. It’s been awhile, hasn’t it? It’s just that I’ve had nothing to say. Speechless. Uninteresting.

I’ve been talking to Gabe a lot recently. I don’t know why, I mean, I left. That is the end of our story. I’m terrible at staying mad at anybody, I suppose. Even if they totally deserve it. On the upside, he did send me a ridiculous birthday present, a Nintendo 3DS just so I could play the new Professor Layton game, which was thoughtful. It’s strange, the guy I dated before Gabe gave me a Super Nintendo when he broke up with me. Boys are weird.

Work is ok. I’m still looking for a way out, but I’m advancing at my current job in the meantime. I figure, if I’m stuck there for the foreseeable future, I might as well try to make a bit more money while I’m doing it. Sometimes, I feel taken advantage of at work, but if they gave me a raise, I might feel a little better about it. I wish I had never dropped out of college, and I had a real job, though. More often than not, I’m almost ashamed of how little I’ve accomplished. Maybe this is getting too uncensored. Maybe I should go manic out and disinfect some more.

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Mar 30 2013

Bob Abonjay

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My brother sent me a late birthday present, the greatest thing that he’s ever sent to me, a DVD of Panda and the Magic Serpent; I took a cheap-shot at this miracle of 50′s animation as recently as last July.  This movie is one of the greatest chapters of our childhood history, the most exclusive and sacred of all inside jokes. Neither of us has ever met another person who’s even heard of this movie, much less one who can sing the entire opening-credits theme in crudely-imitated Chinese.

When I was a kid, and I’m talking really young, 3 or 4 years old, my dad had picked this up at the supermarket as a surprise for us. I don’t remember exactly why, but it was noteworthy because (before my parents’ divorce, anyway) my dad wasn’t the type of dad to buy us presents unless it was a birthday or Christmas. Anyway, we sat down and watched this movie, and we were hooked. If you’ve watched it-which I know you haven’t don’t even try to lie to me you liar-you would know why. Talking animals! Magic! Catchy music! Unfortunately, although it followed the Children’s Entertainment formula quite well, none of our friends were ever interested in it. At a thousand different sleepovers, the other boring, Disney-bred fanboys would just roll their eyes. “Can’t we just watch Mary Poppins?” they’d plead, clutching their Pongo sleeping bags to their chests. Those stupid kids that weren’t us. They just didn’t understand the poorly-subtitled movie, maybe if we made them WATCH IT AGAIN. I popped it into my laptop just to check it out this morning, and I was a good 20 minutes in before I realized that I should probably turn this off and go to the library and get something productive done.

Maybe there’s a reason that Brian and I are such good friends. We were excellent at making the other neighborhood children hate us. I think the only reason that we ever had any friends at all was because we had a Nintendo.

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Feb 09 2013

Marty McFly

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This morning, I was in the middle of my daily ritual of snuggling with my dog before doing anything productive, when I felt a little lump on the back of his arm. I tend to overreact as a rule, but when it comes to my dog, I’m about ten times more likely to lose my mind. I care more about my dog than I do about most people. (Sorry, most people.) I knew it was probably nothing, but he’s been chewing his poor little paws raw for months now and I’ve been meaning to take him to the vet anyway, so after I examined the inflamed, bloody mess on his arm, I had a veterinarian office on the phone within four minutes.

I was expecting a diagnosis more along the lines of anxiety or boredom, but instead, the vet said it was pretty much a classic case of a food allergy. Food allergy? Food allergy! She said I needed to get him an e-collar and switch him to a protein that I’m certain he’s never tried, a tall order considering my rescue dog didn’t come with a full-medical history. She suggested duck or fish, and I opted for the latter because I love my dog, but not enough to spend $60 on a week’s worth of food. That’s more than I spend feeding myself.

It was fun taking him to Petsmart after we left the vet and letting him sniff things so hard he sounded like he was hyperventilating. I watched the obedience training class for a few minutes while he sniffed other dogs’ asses, and then I’m pretty sure I picked up a bag of cat chow with a dog on the front. It’s an ocean medley, apparently, and it smells like the giraffe enclosure at the dirtiest zoo you’ve ever been to, but hopefully, the combination of new food plus 1-2 weeks of cone plus prescription anti-inflammatories will help my Best Dog feel better.

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Feb 07 2013


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I’m at a creative dead-end.

I had dinner with my aunt the other night, which was lovely because I love my aunt, and I love that her boss has been flying her from her usual office in Colorado to his office in Virginia several times over the past few months. It’s been nice seeing family because sometimes I feel so alone. I’m really hoping that he sends her back again next month, which she said he’s been threatening to. Mostly because she’s always giving me gelt which is the only type of money I feel comfortable accepting.

Surprise, I’m at the library googling What My Doctor Did To Me Yesterday, which involves the words “biopsy” and “laser” and seriously, yesterday was horrible. I won’t get my results for 3 weeks and then I’m pretty sure I’ll have met my $1000 deductible, so I guess I might as well go ahead and get my tonsils out or break my arm or something.

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Dec 27 2012


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Shit, I was all set to write about Christmas before I realized that I have to log into Verizon and set up all my effing new contract stuff. Gabe called on Christmas to split the phone bill, well, to let me release his number from my plan so he could tack it onto his parents’ plan anyway. I had unlimited messaging and a ton of minutes because it was a family plan, but now that I don’t have a family anymore, I get to be on the single lady plan. Unless I buy a phone for Marty, but he doesn’t even have thumbs.

I got a lot of cool stuff for Christmas which was very nice of everybody who bought me presents. I got sweet T-shirts, Monty Python’s Flying Circus, the QC books, an EYEBALL LUNCHBOX, an overpriced necklace that I’ve wanted since 2005, and the 10th consecutive year of IOUs from my brother. I got to spend an entire day snuggling with my dog, which was seriously fun, plus I had some lovely emails and phone calls from people I love along with the reminder that people love me which makes me happy. I get so depressed and convinced that I don’t deserve love, so it’s nice to have the unexpected reminders that people care about me even though I can be kind of an asshole. Maybe I’ll try to stop being an asshole. Maybe that can be my new year’s resolution.

Ok, no more dillydallying. To Verizon, where I fear I will get fucked and have to sign up for the Share Everything plan even though I only have one device.

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