Mar 22 2014
I used to be very proud of my excellent vision. People would say “You’re so lucky that you don’t need glasses!” and I would reply “Don’t be jealous; I had braces!”
The past several months, I’ve noticed that things are a little blurrier. I could’t read street signs without squinting, and my eyes just felt tired at the end of the day. I decided to make an appointment to see an optometist.
I’m sure you’re not surprised that I needed glasses. this was like two months ago, I posted it on Facebook/Twitter, and there is also a giant picture of me wearing glasses to the right of this paragraph.
Secretly (or not-so-secretly because I talked about this a lot as a kid) I’ve always kind of wanted glasses for the fashion aspect. Glasses make you look smart, and with my high-pitched voice and blonde hair, I really can use all the IQ points that one can slap on my face. My brother wears glasses. My mom wears glasses. Velma wears glasses! Glasses are awesome!
Since I am a cheap bastard, I ordered two pairs of glasses on the internet, my primary pair and a backup pair, and I spent about $22 (plus shipping). I love the internet. It is amazing the difference the glasses make. I like to sit at Starbucks and flip them up and down while looking at the menu from across the room.
What I don’t like is that I don’t have prescription sunglasses, and I’m always forgetting to buy some of those clip ones when I’m at Walgreens. Last Thursday, my work had a meeting for all of the senior technicians in Chantilly, and they arranged rides from the Metro to the office park for all of them, but they didn’t arrange rides back to the Metro. Being the big old softie I am, I offered to drive a Buickfull of them to the closes stop at 5 pm. Since I am lucky not to have to leave the city I live to get to work everyday, I didn’t realize how freaking awful traffic is. And I had to drive west. At 5 pm. I had to layer old sunglasses on top of my regular glasses like an idiot while crawling on at 5 feet a minute with the rest of the suckers on the beltway. People stared. Children cried. (Ok, no children cried.) I wanted some liquor, and I wanted it now. I ended up having frozen yogurt for dinner with my friend Lindsay instead.
It’s Saturday. Have I bought those clip things yet? Nope. Because I am a suuuuucker.